We need a dryer, not a blow dryer


Since we rent again we have a landlord lady.  She’s this mid-40’s woman from the Dominican Republic; which is the other half of that island that lets Christian groups illegally take orphans after hurricanes and earthquakes and stuff.
We rent the first floor of her two-family house. She lived here with her husband and adult daughter until her twenty year-old marriage fell apart. I have no idea why but I bet it was because her husband got fed up with working hard all day to support his family, only to come home to a messy house and a wife chain-smoking in front of the TV. In my version, she rolls her own cigarettes and dips the tips in toxic cleaning supplies to get high and do webcam porn. It didn’t pay enough to cover the bills but she kept doing it hoping to be “discovered”.
Anyhow, she has a boyfriend that is like 19 years old and the upstairs neighbor told us they have sex. 
Let me tell you about our dryer so you can roll your eyes until your head falls off.
About three weeks ago our dryer broke. Having three young kids, two of which still wet the bed , and no dryer, sucks donkey balls.  So I give her a call around 10am to let her know.  She’s still sleeping (she doesn’t get up until about noon) and says she’ll come by later. Later that evening she stops by with her friend Louis. This is her friend and “go to” guy for everything. Louis tells her it’s broken and she heads off to the store to buy a new one.
It was Saturday when this happened and the next delivery date wasn’t until Friday of the following week. Ok fine, we dealt with it and went  to a laundry mat to do our laundry. In just three weeks we have fallen two rungs on the social class meter.
Friday comes. My mom was still staying with us so she waited at home to accept the delivery. Our Landloser should have been there but she had to go to court to divorce her husband. So I get this call at work from my mom, “The delivery guy left without dropping off the dryer. Landloser didn’t have the gas line disconnected and she wasn’t answering the phone.”  Apparently, she paid for the delivery but not the setup. Therefore, they would not disconnect the gas line from the old dryer to leave the new one. I’m still not clear why they couldn’t just leave the new dryer.
Regardless. Off she goes that night to Home Depot to straighten things out. I get a call later that the same day from her explaining that the new delivery date is now on Tuesday. Fine.  I’m not happy about it but we’ll try again.
Tuesday rolls around and I get a call on my cell from Landloser at 9:00am. “Great!” I’m thinking. The dryer is installed. Hell no. Not even close. She missed the delivery time for god knows what reason. All I understood from her long drawn-out lie was she missed the delivery and was headed back to Home Depot.
Landloser calls me later and is all like, “They will come out again Thursday but I can’t be  there. Are you going to be home?” Argh….”No, I will be at work and my mom has already left”.  She’s like, “Ok, I’ll see what I can do.”
Wednesday night rolls up my butt and I get a call from Landloser. I was expecting her to update me with the delivery time. NOPE! Not even in the ballpark.  When she called Home Depot to check on the delivery time, they informed her that the order was cancelled on Tuesday because she missed two deliveries.
She was supposed to place the order again to get the Thursday slot. Now I’m pissed because the next available date would be another week away. She tries to make things better and goes to Sears instead of Home Depot and buys another dryer. It’s available for delivery on Saturday. Great.
I’d like to point out, during all this mess, I offered to buy one myself and charge her for it or go with her. I even told her to go to a place that she could take one home with instead of waiting for the delivery.
It is now Saturday.
Anna and I drop off the kids at Polish school and go out to look at neighborhoods to move to.  I see Landloser calling on my phone.
I answer the phone and it’s the Sears installer guy. He explains to me that the dryer she bought was too wide for the space and it wouldn’t fit!!!!!  I’m so pissed at this point.  I pull the phone away from my mouth and look at Anna and say quietly, “She’s an IDIOT.”

She totally hears me because she had already gotten back on the line and was like “What did you say” I figure I got caught so I’m like “Landloser, I said you were an idiot. This is the fourth time you’ve messed up the delivery!!  You’re in breach!  There better be a dryer there tonight!!” Then I hung up.

In the meantime, Anna and I go home, get the laundry, bring it back to the laundry mat and go get the kids. A few hours later I see her pulling into the drive with a dryer in the back of her car. Holy Crap! She decided to buy a more expensive model off the floor and bring it home herself.  In a few minutes, Louis-the-friend hooked up the gas line and we were back to almost being middle class.
First world problems are so hard. I don’t think there is anyone out there with a life that is as difficult as ours.

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