There are only a few more weeks left before we move too our new house. Our free time has been spent interviewing new nannies who will at some point be the focus of much humor on this blog.
Finding a nanny is a special skill. You need a person that is motivated enough to go that extra laundry basket but not motivated enough to find a real job; just like a stay- at-home mom. I’m kidding people, not really, yes I am, shut up you know you’re lazy and eat bon-bons all day.
Way back, when we hired our first nanny after the twins were born, we went online and printed off all those “what to ask a nanny”, interview questions. Those lists of question are so stupid like Real Simple magazine. If all these things are so simple why do they cost so much money and involve baskets ? Any ho bag, we skipped any preparation for these interviews.
Since we still live in a different part of the city than where we are moving, we met each nanny at a park by our new house. The kids could play and we could see how she interacts with them. The first girl (I mean woman) we spoke with, was about 27 years old, Polish and that’s it. I didn’t take an immediate liking to her. I thought she was stand off-ish but not a 100% “no”.
Note: I didn't take their pictures because that would have seemed odd so I drew a picture of what each prospective nanny looked like.
Nanny #1 - "Cold and Snobby"
The second lady we interviewed was about 60 years old, Polish, and came to the park with a lace parasol to shade the sun and her eyebrows drawn on with thick black makeup. I should note that she had blonde hair. I don’t know if the curtains matched the carpet.
I saw her from 100ft away and knew she was a “no” immediately. She had a;ready cancelled a few previous meetings with us before we met her; one because she got a weekend babysitting job and “needed the money”. Then when we told her our salary and she turned her nose up at us and said she “makes more than that for one kid”. Then a bunch of cocaine fell out her left nostril.
Nanny #2 - "Bad Eyebrows, Thought she was Mary Poppins"
Finally, we interviewed two more girls who were both great. We ended up choosing the friend of a babysitter we use on the weekends.
FYI, everyone was Polish. We only hire Polish nannies because Anna is from Poland and the kids need to keep speaking Polish at home. Kid’s need to be able to speak multiple languages these days or they will fail at life!
Nanny #3 and #4. "Nice, hired one of them"
I didn't have the energy to draw
two more pictures.
And on to our rental apartment drama update……………..
Shit has been getting crazy! A few nights ago the landlord was banging on our upstairs neighbor’s door being all, “You need to pay your rent!” To refresh your memory, our upstairs neighbors are a couple in their early 60s with grown children. The lady babysat for our kids until she kept cancelling on us.
Anyhow, Alan (the man part of the couple) opens the door and is all “I’ll pay you. I don’t have it right now”. Landlady is all “If you don’t want to pay move. You haven’t paid in two months”. Then I missed some of the conversation because I was switching to a different wall to hear better.
Then Alan is all, “I have someone coming over with some money in an envelope. I’ll give you $400”. Yeh, normal people have people coming over with “some money”.."in envelopes". Because if the money came in a Russian matryoshka doll she would not take it apparently.
So landlady leaves and Anna has to take the kids somewhere and rushes outside with them to try and get landlady to tell her what happened. Anna is like “what happened”.
The landlady explained how they never pay their rent on time and everything they say is a lie and that she is having problems with her ex-husband and she must to go to court and she doesn’t need this and recently the upstairs neighbor’s son was staying with them and he wasn’t making his car payments so the repo man kept coming by looking for the car.
If I roll my eyes any harder by head will fall off.