I have a stalker. 2015 New Year's Resolution complete.
.. It's not the good kind, though, like celebrities have. Not the kind that break into your home and promise their never dying devotion to your breast implants hopefully it will happen to me if I keep my door unlocked all the time.
After Anna backed into a car outside our place a little weeks ago and our neighbor pulled out all his security videos he recorded using the cameras which he uses to monitor the streets from his property.... I thought it might be a good idea to get security cameras as well. I didn't want him to be watching us and for him not to be watched by anyone.
Anyhow stupid face, I did some research and requested bids from a few nationwide companies like (alarm.com , ADT) and then some local people.
This one guy responds to the bid request online. He calls later and seems very friendly and we schedule a time for him to see our place. The first thing that was ringing my alarm balls was how hard it was to get him off the phone. When I'm trying to make a decision, I don't much care for chit-chat. I have questions, and those questions have answers.
Even though he was answering my questions in a long round about way, every answer turned into some "crazy" story about the time he installed security cameras for some "blah blah blah" person and "crazy" stuff happened and it was just so god damn funny. No, it was not funny. If it was funny you would be a stand up comedian. And you are not. You are not a stand up comedian.
So he comes over a few days later and looks around the house. Again more long drawn out stories, "his son wants an iPhone" , "some lady had a camera and drug dealers tried to break it with a bat". What is this, a QVC shopping episode?.
I tell him to put a bid together and email it to me. The following day I get a email of a picture of a hand written bid because when you are a high tech security company that is the way to do it..
I text-ed him back that I am not going to make a decision until after I get a better grasp on our basement remodel. FYI, we're doing a basement remodel. I haven't blogged about it yet because I'm not a mommy blogger that like crowd sources every single decision that goes into a renovation project.
He texts me back and suggests that he comes over that weekend and we can work on the basement remodel together because "I treat my customers like family". Some people murder their families so I ignore the text. I thought it was a strange suggestion.
A few days later he texts me again and is all like,
"I was at a trade show and got a free DVR recorder for the security cameras. You were the first person I thought about. Call me."
WTF! I ignore that text as well because it really was heading into molester territory. Um, free DVR? Basically he's saying "I want to 69 you then 86 you then 69 you again".
He calls a few times and I don't answer,
He sends another text on Christmas wishing me and my family a happy holiday. Ok, not weird except I have not responded to any of the previous messages.
THEN, this past weekend I get a call on a blocked line. I never answer blocked calls but this time I got careless whisper., "Hey it's me, Tom the security guy".
I was so F-ING pissed because I was trying to make circles on my stomach with one hand while patting my head with the other hand and he interrupted me. I blurted out "I'm sorry Tom I can't talk now" and hung up the phone.
He texts me right back with
"Sorry to bother you. It wasn't a business call it was a personal call. ".
I know I know. A lot of women reading this are like "What's the problem? Whenever the UPS guy drops off packages I let him man spread me."
Well, I , world's number one daddy blogger / America's favorite parent., doesn't want no man spreading with my bread and butter if you know what I mean.