Meat causes erectile dysfunction

The kids are eating a lot of different foods lately. It’s all vegetarian and organic because we like it that way, but the nanny keeps asking if she can put a turkey neck in everything. No you can’t. That’s gross. Anyhow, how will the turkey live without its neck, murderer?

Stella enjoys a good meal with a cigarette like the rest of us but she does this thing where she eats and eats and about an hour later opens her mouth and a bunch of food falls out. Last time it was chewed up zucchini with a nice helping of black beans.

Really, if she doesn’t like something she should just spit it out right away or cry. Isn’t there a bird that pre-chews food then spits it up for the baby birds to eat? Maybe Stella read something about birds because she can read and she is only 11 months old.

Xavier, on the other hand, likes to eat a lot, much more than Stella. He likes to pick through his food to find the cheese cubes. Luckily, he has kept his slim figure.

I do worry about childhood obesity, much more than I worry about nuclear war or a space alien invasion. So, my plan is to have Xavier get gastric bypass surgery if he gains too much weight. Stella’s thighs are still a little chunky so I’m thinking about some lipo for her.

Not to be outdone, I’m going to get a micro derma abrasion and a full body wax. Anna is already perfect. My birthday gift was just upgraded.

Comments

anna said…
Upgraded from nothing to maybe something!!! You're ridiculous (and sweet!)
Michelle said…
This is an echo of my life, right down to the organic food. Very warped and entertaining.
Carnivore D said…
FYI: turkey neck = YUMMY!
zucchini and black beans = YUCK! no wonder stella can't keep the food in her tummy.

team meat!
first-timer said…
Wow! Stella's first steps . . . thanks for sharing.
eden said…
Oh my God look at them. LOOK AT THEM!!

*Ahem* ... but I expect you do, considering they are your children.

I'm Eden, Anna's Australian friend. Thought I would come have a lil looksie at the twins, they are so so beautiful.

Animal I never forgot a part of your description when they were born ... "blood spilling on to the floor", during the c-section. Freaked me the f*ck out. And now look! No blood to be seen!!

Please tell Anna I said hi ... and I will be coming to BlogHer next year instead of this year. So I can meet her then, hopefully!