Three kids growing fast...the trinity is now complete!

It is so difficult keeping up with this literary masterpiece when there is a newborn baby around. Newborn babies are like teenagers that don’t have friends. They hang out with their parents all the time until they go off to college and try to reinvent themselves with a new hairstyle and clothes only to discover they are still a loser.


Fiona Marie is sleeping in her own room. She sleeps from about 10:00pm until about 3:30am. Then, Anna sticks a boob in her face and feeds her. Apparently, she can’t feed herself. Kids these days are so lazy. When I was zero years old I fed myself because my parents went away a lot, on vacation, to crazy land.

Once the feeding frenzy is over Fiona will sleep until about 7am. Unlike when her siblings were born, she does not like to be swaddled. She sleeps in a sleep sack. A sleep sack is a bag with holes for the baby’s arms and a hole for the baby’s head. It is like a potato sack that poor kids wear when they go out begging for money.

Besides that, Fifi isn’t really taking an active role in her new life. She just lies around looking at things. She did go through a fussy period each night from about 6:30pm-10:00pm but it is starting to tapper off. Anna and I just turn up the TV really loud so we can’t hear her. Is neglect a form of child abuse? I doubt it and I am a very smart person.

Stella and Xavier are now two years old and slender. I say “slender” because that is what the pediatrician called them at our two year check up. Hurray for slender! Now they won’t be rejected by society.

To celebrate, I bought them each a carton of Virginia Slim cigarettes to go along with their slender figures. It’s so cute watching toddlers chain-smoke; reminds me of a Chinese sweat shop.

Speaking of China, Anna and I are ready for these two kids to be potty trained. They have such enormous bowel movements the whole house smells like homeless people.

During one recent diaper change, Anna finished putting diaper cream on Xavier when he proceeded to rub his little hand across his left butt cheek and lick it!

Who does this kid look like?

Fiona and her nice hair. Stella and Xavier were pretty bald looking at this age. Thank goodness this kid already has hair so we can sell it to a wig factory.

Xavier is petting his sister.

Our backyard looks like a kid play-land barfed on it. Yes, our kids wear shoes in the pool. Don't yours?


Kate said…
Wow--this post was worth the wait! A+

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