How to make an accident look like an accident I am just kidding but not really

I know this sounds harsh to a normal person, but I wish our nanny would die in a simple accident with no mess to clean up. It's not that she's a bad person, it's just that she's not that good.

The other day, I came home and there was a plate of burnt veggie patties on the table. She's like "kids eat or it will get cold". The kids whispered to me, "She keeps burning the food." The day before it was chocolate chip cookies. OMG, just read the number on the package.

The nanny has a middle school kid from a previous marriage and is pregnant with another kid from a boyfriend. In an effort to keep this accident from causing any more sadness then necesary, I suppose the middle school kid, the nanny , the baby and the boyfriend and any immediate family would all have to die in the same accident.

Prior to having a nanny and kids, I imagined my life differently. I would come home from work,  tell her to have the kids bathed and ready for dinner. Then, I'd sit at the head of the table while she served us a five course meal which she cooked. When the kids started to act up, I'd be like , "take that one away!". Occasionally, I'd through my plate on the ground and be like, "servant girl, clean up that mess!" This hasn't happened at all!

Image result for children victorian nanny
(c) I don't know, I didn't bother looking it up

This is how I imagined things would look
with a nanny


The other day, she texted me that the upstairs front window was open. I'm like, yes it was hot" She's like, "I want to make sure someone didn't break into the house."  I'm like, "It's unlikely someone went through the top floor , front window and then put the screen back on." She's like, "You never know in this country!" Argh, WTF burnt food. I secretly wished there was a murderer inside.

I can't fire her because I'd feel bad. That is why the accident is the only way. THE END.



Comments