A Nanny is like a parent that can be fired if they don't do a good job.

Let me try to fill y’all in on the crap we’ve been up to because I know you live vicariously through my awesome blog.

Last Monday morning, the nanny (who from this point forward will be referred to as “Nanny”) called to let me know she couldn’t come to work. Nanny can’t really speak English so all I understood was she’s at the hospital and her boobs fell off.

Ok, ok, I’ll give you the real details of what happened now so you don’t fast forward through this to get to the punch line. Her husband was in the hospital for a week because he neglected his diabetes for so long it caused permanent damage.

When I say neglected I mean he forgets to take his pills for days or weeks. Then he takes extra pills on the other days to make up for the missed days. The outcome wasn’t too serious. He lost the use of his right leg. I guess you could say that is serious if you’re someone who values two working legs.

I, on the other hand, only value my brain. My brain can be transplanted into a robot body with a super robot penis capable of saving the planet from global warming. Your legs can not.



During my day as a cool stay-at-home dad I took the kids to the park. I LOOKED LIKE HELL. Imagine a man version of a stay at home mom that has totally given up on herself. That was not sexist because you totally understand what I’m talking about.

In my defense, I don’t know how to raise my kids during the day because we have a nanny, which results in my lack of a prepared routine which results in me being flustered which makes me look like hell.


Apparently, there is a posse of young Polish nannies at the park everyday. They all know Stella and Xavier, and Stella and Xavier love them.

These nannies dress like whores. I know that’s harsh, I should say hookers; -but not the expensive kind like you find on the internet. Admittedly, it really made things easier having all the nannies paying attention to all the kids instead of just you trying to keep track of your own kids

What if parents decided to stay at home with their kids? Would they get together like the nannies do? We’ll just never know will we?

When we got back from the park I noticed I had a big poo streak across my t-shirt. It must have been there since the morning diaper changing.



...

Our Nanny has since given notice she is quitting. I'll leave you with that cliff hanger. It has nothing to do with her boobs falling off.


Xavier and Stella going down the slide!! Xavier took that ball from some other kid's stroller and refused to give it back. Sucks to be that kid.

Comments

Kate said…
I had a feeling Stella's slide wasn't going to be as smooth as Xavier's. But she does win the Cutest Hair Ever! contest, so it all equals out in the end.
Erin said…
I went to the grocery store a while back w/ my two and the cashier was all up in my grill about signing up for WIC and food stamps. I finally stammered a very ungracious way of saying I didn't need them, and spent the rest of the way home wondering why she was so insistent.

Then I got home to find a big streak of poo on my sleeve.

Also, we have those hookernanny's at the parks here too. Don't they know how comfortable elastic waist pants are?