What has happened since Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a love child

I need to write about something very important; the fireplace project.

The fireplace is almost done and it will be the focal point of our living room; i.e. the boobs.

This is how I picture the reveal happening.

***close your eye when you read this***

I’ll invite a few friends over under the guise that I want to “catch up”. They’ll be a pot of coffee on, maybe some finger foods…soft music…avant-garde electronic; no jazz.

They’ll arrive conveniently at the same time. I’ll be wearing skinny jeans, a tight t-shirt and dark underwear; my hair two weeks post cut.

A mug of coffee gently rests in my right hand as I open the door “please come in and have a seat, we just finished the fireplace”. (I gesture towards the fireplace, feigning disinterest but knowingly belittling them with our superior life/fireplace.)

(Loooooong Paaauuuussseee)...I shed a tear.

That’s how it’s done.

As I mentioned previously, there’s no chimney, so the fireplace vents out the side of the house. But, a “fake” chimney soffit was handcrafted to emulate a chimney. I could cry I'm so smart.

 Marble and stuff.....

 Mantel coming together right now, in sweet harmony.


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