All children are crazy and have ADD and destroy things because they are crazy

The other night the twins collectively won the award for “worst child in an action series”. They beat out Charlie McCleaver who tied the family dog to a car bumper. His parents are druggies.

A few nights ago, after being locked in their room for bedtime, Stella and Xavier proceeded to take off all their sheets, flip Stella’s mattress onto the floor and remove the wood slats from the bed frame. I was so furious I wanted an abortion.

They had been warned. THEY HAD BEEN WARNED BITCHES!!!!

This was the 500 pound straw that broke my penis. So there we were, 9pm, splitting the kids up into separate rooms. We have threatened them every single night since they were one day old that if they didn't start acting like adults and stop going ape shit at bed time we would separate them. Well sister christian, it has finally happened.

“Fifi” was moved to Anna’s office, Anna’s office was moved to the basement guest room, Stella was moved to “Fifi’s” room, and Xavier was left in his room.

I really, really, really wanted our children to share a room and experience how the less fortunate lived. Now they'll have to wait until college and meet some poor kid on financial aid who ends up coming to our house for every single holiday. His name will probably be Mark and he scares me.


Things have gone quite well actually. The twins are going to bed without all the horsing around…finally. Xavier still gets up at 6am though. Instead of waking his sister he knocks on his door (we lock the door from the outside)

**knock** **knock**

“I’m up. Someone get me”

**Knock** Knock**

“Mama, Dada I’m awake”.

**knock** “

“Hello. I’m awake. Where are you?”

Yes, we lock our kids in their rooms. If we didn’t they’d get out and bother us.

So that’s that. On one hand, I’m glad we did it, on the other hand there’s a cut from moving the beds.

This is what happens when you ask a three year old to tell a bedtime story. Don't let that face fool you, he is CRAZY!


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