Last months recap: Beaches, Babes and Casinos

In the middle of October, Anna and my mom took the kids to Myrtle Beach for a short getaway while I had to work.

 
Myrtle Beach is truly my favorite vacation spot because it glorifies the party lifestyle, overindulgence and slutty outfits without getting too commercialized.


They all had a blast.

 While at Mrytle beach they took the kids to a children's museum where apparently someone thought it was a good idea to teach kids not to be afraid of the dentist by making exaggerated dental tools.

 My mom mentioned that Myrtle Beach is filled with hillbillies. I thought we called people from South Carolina white trash and people from Kentucky hillbillies and people from West Virginia hicks? Maybe it’s hicks from Kentucky and hillbillies from West Virginia but South Caroliniers are definitely not hillbillies; that’s for sure. Does anyone know what the correct derogatory term is I’m supposed to use?

A few days after they returned from the confederacy it was already Halloween. This year was the first time our kids went out trick-or-treating. Halloween is my favorite holiday because it glorifies the party lifestyle, overindulgence and slutty outfits without getting too commercialized.

Once the kids realized they could go around ringing doors bells and getting free candy, I used the opportunity to look into my neighbor’s homes. Without a doubt, this is one of my favorite activities in the whole wide world. Who doesn’t want to see how people decorate?

Here’s how I work it. When someone opens the door to give the kids candy I make small talk to get them buttered up, “May I pop my head in and take a look at the inside of your house? I can’t see the living room very well from the sidewalk”.

It works almost never and when I say almost I mean never because my neighbors are snobs and stupid morons with ugly houses. But, I was able to get a good look inside this amazing house two dudes own around the corner from us. Let’s just say that the old wise tale is true; a big house up there means a big one down there. They have this gigantic basement with a beautiful vaulted staircase leading into it. It was huge and framed in hard wood with two large crystal balls dangling from the center..

And finally………. Anna and I went to Las Vegas for a few days because she had a conference about mental health. She learned that everyone is f-ing crazy and should be drugged. Anna’s mom watched the kids and we drugged her with Quaaludes before leaving.

Las Vegas is truly my favorite getaway spot because it glorifies the party lifestyle, overindulgence and slutty outfits without getting too commercialized. While Anna was in classes I spent my days at the hotel spa doing yoga classes, rock climbing and sitting naked in a hot tub with many over-the-hill fat, saggy men. I’m not a big gambler if you don’t include the hot tub. This was the first time I got to climb and climbing wall. Now, if I’m ever get trapped somewhere with a climbing wall I can get out.

 Here's me at the Venetian where we stayed. It's a little blurry. I never knew Venice, Italy looks like a giant indoor mall
 
In the evenings we headed out for some drinks and a few shows. We saw three comedians plus a burlesque dancer one night and the musical Jersey Boys the next. Jersey boys made me actually want to think about maybe visiting New Jersey if I was ever in the area and not doing anything and could fly over in an airplane.

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