Going to Mexico and the American Airline's Flight Attendant that hates Alec Baldwin who should stay in Mexico

Anna and I and the kids plus my parents went to Rivera Maya, Mexico for the past week. I told the locals I was with La Famila, which got me weird looks.

We took American Airlines and on the way there, a flight attendant pulled an Alec Balwin on me. I shiznit you not!

Here’s how the drama unfolded. The kids were behaving well on the plane even after being up at 5am to make our flight and already spending two hours on a 3.5 hour trip. Then we had turbulence. The seat belt light when on and everyone had to stop doing it in the bathrooms and return to their seats.

Stella decided she didn’t want to put her seatbelt on and instead wanted to get out of her seat to go to the other aisle where Anna was sitting. It was one of those moments where she was tired and on the brink of throwing a tantrum. I had to tread lightly to convince her to put it on without forcing her to put it on.

Well, a flight attendant took it upon herself to poke her 1980’s feathered helmet hair head over my shoulder and exclaim, “If you don’t put your seat belt on the pilot is going to come over here and make you” or some crap like that. Stella got scared and started screaming. I was seriously pissed. Now I have this out of control child who would have been fine if the flight attendant shut the F up.

Am I right? (click to enlarge the hair)

I pulled a cheerleader out of my butt and went in for the kill.

I said something like, “You don’t have kids do you?”

Her co-worker was like, “She has two.” I said, “They’re grown up and you don’t remember what it’s like having a three year old”. She’s all, “No, I remember. Mine are only 11 years old”.

I’m all,”Oh, you look so old to have such young kids.”

Ok, that was mean. I should not have said that or let this get to me. I was tired and irritated. But this blog is about the real life of 5 people all living in a house together so this is what happened.
To those who don’t know; the golden rule for hurting a women’s feelings is first insult her weight and then her age. After that, go after her being a bad mother and/or wife.

Finally, her retort, “I look so old because I don’t let my kids tell me ‘no’”.

Ok, back up. One, that is an awful comeback because if that statement is even true then get a new strategy. Secondly, it’s blatantly false. Thirdly, I am a man so insulting my parenting is not a way to get at me.

Let me address each point in more detail. First, there is nothing wrong with saying, “No”. What if she asked her kids to lie about her affair with the pilot and they said, “No”. That wouldn’t be wrong. Secondly, if she had consequences for every time her kid said, “no” she’d never leave the house (which would be great for the rest of us). The third and final point, insult a man’s height or hair.

Hola! We need to get that kid a smaller hat even if he does have a big Polish head.

 We spent most of the time on the beach and at the kiddy water park attached the hotel. Mexico has palm trees just like Florida except less mega-church wackos!

 The resort was huge but we really didn't explore much with three kids. Mostly we ate in the buffet restaurant. We tried a nice restaurant one night but the kids went bonkers and food sucked donkey balls.

When Anna an my mom took the kids to Myrtle Beach 'Fifi' got attached to this nurf football. It didn't fit in Anna's suitcase on the way home  so my mom took it and brought it to Mexico. She was so happy to see this football and carried it with her everywhere...and slept with it.

 I have a passport and I'm not even two!

Anna and me and some kid's eyeballs.

 5 yards from the field goal.... touchdown! I know nothing about American football.

 Yaiyai and Papou!  
It's so nice the kids get to spend time with their grandparents before they die.


Kerry Lynn said…
Awesome trip! I'm slightly jealous except that I'm dreading traveling on a plane with the kids. Did you really have a confrontation with the attendant?

American football...so stupid. Why on earth did we take a sport that already existed, changed its name, then created a new sport and called it by the other sports name that we took away? Dumb all around.
We call american football throwball and piss everyone off.

Thanks for your comment on my public blog. It's nice to know I'm not the only one trying to turn my son into a girl.
An Urban Story said…
@Kerry Lynn,

Yes we dread traveling with them but once you get there it's worth it!

Yes, I am ashamed to say I did in fact have a confrontation with the attendant. :-(

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