2011 is over

Happy New Year! Hope everyone threw up.

We all drove to Toledo, Ohio on Christmas Eve to stand in a bread line for a traditional Polish dinner with Anna’s family. Then, we drove to Cleveland on Christmas morning for a mentally ill Christmas Day with my family. Finally, we drove back to Chicago the day after Christmas to celebrate Boxing Day.

Here is a Boxing Day joke for y’all. “Ever hear of the Mike Tyson computer? It has two bytes and no memory.” Actually, we don’t celebrate that holiday but I needed a lead in for the joke.

The highlight for the twins was getting to sleep in the same room at Anna’s parent’s house. Unfortunately, it takes them forever to go to bed.

I had to sleep outside the bedroom until about 11:30pm because every fifteen minutes they would try to escape. It is funny listening in on two three-year-olds talking. They had an in-depth conversation about how Christmas is Jesus’s birthday and how he, “lives in our hearts”. Then proceeded to examine each other’s chests trying to feel Jesus inside themselves. The conclusions:  no, they could not feel Jesus in their hearts. Science wins again.




For New Years Eve, we invited over some friends with kids to parTAY. The party cleared out by 9pm. Thereafter, we went to bed. It’s like being an old couple except one of us didn’t die in our sleep.

Sometime between Christmas Day and Mike Tyson Day, I messed up my shoulder/back area. After waking up in the hotel, my parents hate us so we stayed in a hotel; my back and shoulder were killing me. I thought it would go away the next day but it was so bad I went to the doctor.

He gave me some wimpy pain meds and anti-inflammatory drugs that did not do anything for the pain.

Do you feel sorry for me yet? You should because I’m in a coma right now.

What the hell is going on in this picture?

The next morning, after I almost died a little, the doctor prescribed some narcotics. Once I took them I could dance better but the pain was still pretty bad.

Soooooooo, after suffering with my disability for way too long duck dong, I got a massage. This guy massager I had was amazing; a tall gay black man with large hands. I saw he had great reviews online and then later found out my friend also used him. He noticed it was my rotator cuff that was sore and made it a lot better. If you ever need a massage, ask for him by name, “tall gay black man with large hands.”

If you don’t hear from me soon it’s because I’ve been hospitalized. Pray that it isn’t my time to go “home” and see mommy. My mom isn't planning on visiting us for a few months and I can’t handle any guests at our house right now.

Cheetah prints are in.


Get your arm off me sister.




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