The Golden Shower

The twins are 4.56788 months old and wet their beds every night. They’ve been fully potty trained for over a year. They don’t nap anymore, they don't do drugs. And, if they fall asleep in the car or at the dinner table, they never have an accident. I’m at a loss. I’ve read that night wetting before six years old is completely normal. I saw this picture online of this guy that had his lip split down the middle to look like a lizard. That was not normal. But what is normal? Is the idea of normal universal or is it cultural.

The twins don’t want to wear pull ups anymore. We restrict fluids after 6pm and make them go to the bathroom before bed. At around 2:00am Stella will yell, “Dada”…pause…”Dada”…pause…”Dada”…until I wake up and go into her room to change her. Anna never wakes up to anything.

If I wasn’t around, the kids would drown in their own urine.

Xavier is a little different. He’ll take off his wet pajamas, put them under his bed, and then walk into our room to tell us to put a dry blanket on his bed. He can’t seem to figure out how to do that last step himself. We’ve never changed the sheets during the night. We keep a set of clean blankets in the room and throw one over the urine soaked bed so the kids can sleep and then wash everything in the morning.

When I say “we wash” and mean the Nanny.

One option is to get up during the night and take them to the bathroom. I’m trying to hold off on this solution because it still involves me getting up at night; the exact thing I’m trying to avoid.

I mean, come on people. I’m getting really tired of getting up twice a night for a year now. This must be what it feels like to work at the prostate gland removal hospital.

One other odd event that has been happening during this pee festival is that Xavier’s been flipping over the dog bowl and hiding his soiled underwear under it. I have no idea. Don’t ask. We’ve found like five pairs of his underwear under the dog bowl in the last month.

This reminds me of a joke:

"What are you eating under there?"

"Under where?"

"You're eating underwear!!?!?"

OMG, it is as funny as the day I heard it which was yesterday.