Trimming the Bush

Last spring, I almost promised myself that I would never again pay someone to clean up our front lawn. We paid someone last year to do it because the lawn was looking like a 1970’s porn star and I gave up trying to find the time to do it myself.

Eventually, I found a woman online that would clean up the lawn cheaper than the day laborers that we used the year before that, so I said, “Ok, do it”.

Did you get that? Two years earlier, we used day laborers to clean-up the yard. That was the first year I promised myself that from now on, I alone would clean-up the front lawn.

I am a trail of broken promises. It’s like the trail of tears without all the dead Native Americans. A moment of silence please.

The woman that cleaned-up our yard a year ago is the owner of a home gardening business and does most of the work herself. The worst part is, she’s like 20 years older than me.

So, while I laid on the sofa in my underwear watching RuPaul’s “Drag Race” on the Logo network, an older lady was outside doing the gardening. Ha, kidding, I don’t wear underwear. Love the free feeling.

Do you see where I’m headed with this?

Before your can say, “my sister from west Virginia is my dad’s new wife”, spring 2012 was here and the front lawn was once again covered in weeds. Weeds come up every year even if they are pulled out the year before. It’s like yanking hairs on a Persian woman.

I broke down and called twenty-years-older-than-me woman to clean up the yard -AGAIN! I spend so much time inside fixing things around the house or putting bikes together that I couldn’t bare the thought of fighting three kids playing in the dirt while I tried to weed. It’s hard being white middle class. The suffering. Sniffle.

Truth be told, if it wasn’t illegal to garden in the nude, then I would have done it to help the community. However, that is not the world we live in.

Imagine woman gardening instead of driving badly ....dum, dum, dum

Well, she cleaned up the weeds, raked and did some trimming. When she was done, the front yard looked really bare like a 1998-2012 porn star and the yard on the side of the house looked like a 1985-1989 porn star and the yard on the left side of the house looked like a 1990-1997 porn star while the middle of the yard looked like a gay porn star with a bleached butt hole.

Why? Well Daniel son, we planted ground cover last year to fill in the dirt because the year before that I got tired of mowing so I ripped out the grass. The ground cover has not come in yet.

To top it off, our neighbor to the right has a fantastic looking yard. She does all her own gardening and it looks very good. Then you look at our yard and throw up. I was bitching about it to her and she offered to pick out some plants at the store that would work well in our yard.

So the next day, there they were. A bunch of new plants lined up exactly where they should go. Can you believe that?!!? AND, I dug the holes myself and planted them.

I need to find someone to complain about our master bath too so they can fix it.

 Here's the dirt after the clean up along the front of the fence. 
The hostas usually grow twice as big as this by the end of May.

This is what was planted. Plants start of small until they grow.

2 Pieris Japonicas Shrubs, 3 Heuchera "Southern Comfort" ,and  3 Hosta "Wide Brim" Big white margins on bluish green leaves

The back corner is growing in well but I think it needs some color.


Amber said…
In a couple more years, the kids will be old enough to do all this work for you!
An Urban Story said…
@Amber: I can't wait for these slackers to start contributing!

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